The upsides of being misunderstood
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”- George Bernard Shaw
I’ve been wondering if everyone feels misunderstood. As a founder, being misunderstood is a pretty common experience. It happens on a large or small scale. In fact that is something humans are share: the feeling of being misunderstood. However people do experience this challenging feeling on different intervals and intensities.
Overall, being misunderstood can be benign - i.e. annoying but not damaging psychologically - or malign - i.e. your mental and physical healths are affected. Many studies can be found linking health issues to misunderstanding.
Being misunderstood affects us across multiple contexts and has measurable consequences. In interpersonal and professional relationships, it undermines our sense of worth and belonging. In healthcare and group dynamics, it erodes trust. Research shows that feeling misunderstood not only diminishes psychological well-being through increased stress and lower life satisfaction, but also has physiological effects, reducing motivation and straining relationships. Though its subjective nature makes precise measurement challenging, the impact of misunderstanding on our lives is significant and far-reaching.
Unique Personality Traits that Set Entrepreneurs Apart
One reason entrepreneurs may feel misunderstood is that they often differ psychologically from the general population. A large international study of over 2,000 entrepreneurs found they scored higher on 10 of 13 key character traits compared to traditional employees. These traits included strong achievement motivation and a high need for autonomy. In other words, many founders are exceptionally driven to reach goals and value independence more than the average person. Such qualities, while advantageous for starting a business, can make their priorities seem unusual or intense to others who don’t share the same drive.
Another aspect of founder personality is an unusually strong internal focus. Many entrepreneurs have a high locus of control and self-efficacy – they believe in their ability to shape outcomes – which is vital for venture creation. They also tend to be comfortable with risk and uncertainty. While these traits help them start companies, they can distance entrepreneurs from peers; for example, a founder’s tolerance for risk or all-in dedication to a vision might perplex friends with more conventional careers. Research by Barclays indicates entrepreneurs as a group exhibit greater motivation for achievement and autonomy than others, which can manifest as working long hours, taking big risks, or relentlessly pursuing ideas. Those around them might view these behaviors as extreme or hard to relate to, leaving the founder feeling like “nobody understands why I do what I do.”
In short, founders often think and behave “differently” by the very nature of what drives them. These personality and cognitive differences are a double-edged sword: they fuel innovation and resilience, but also set entrepreneurs apart from the crowd, sometimes making genuine empathy from non-entrepreneurs harder to come by.
Empathy Gaps: Bridging the Experience Divide
Entrepreneurs and non-entrepreneurs often experience a profound empathy gap due to their vastly different realities. The entrepreneurial journey involves unique stresses—extreme uncertainty, long hours, payroll pressures—that outsiders simply haven't experienced firsthand. This creates what psychologists call "hot-cold empathy gaps," where someone in a heightened emotional state (the entrepreneur) realizes others in a calmer state can't fully grasp their situation. Well-meaning advice like "why don't you just quit?" can feel dismissive, as friends with secure jobs often underestimate the intensity of a founder's emotional investment.
These misunderstandings aren't malicious but stem from a lack of experiential empathy. When a friend suggested to one struggling entrepreneur that she ask for her old job back, it made her question her entire venture's viability. Such encounters, though rooted in concern, often leave founders feeling that "no one understands why this startup matters so much to me"—because in many ways, they truly don't.
Even at a societal level, there’s evidence of this sentiment. In one UK survey of leading entrepreneurs, 64% felt the public didn’t recognize the contributions of entrepreneurs to the economy, and only 15% believed the government understood what entrepreneurs need. The report succinctly noted, “It’s not surprising they feel misunderstood and underrepresented”. This indicates that beyond personal circles, entrepreneurs often perceive a narrative gap in society at large – they create value and jobs, yet don’t feel seen or understood by institutions or the public.
The False Consensus Effect: “Why Doesn’t Everyone See What I See?”
Cognitive biases can fuel the feeling of being misunderstood. The false consensus effect leads people to overestimate how much others share their beliefs and perspectives, as illustrated by the mirror image above showing one’s reflection echoed by many others. In psychology, the false consensus effect is a well-documented bias where individuals mistakenly assume their own views or behaviors are more common than they really are. For entrepreneurs, this bias can be particularly pronounced and problematic. Founders are often deeply convinced of their business idea or vision; they’ve spent months or years thinking about a problem and their solution. It’s easy for them to believe the value of their idea is obvious, or that others will naturally “get it” and agree with their approach. This cognitive projection – assuming others think like you do – can set the stage for feeling misunderstood.
Empirical research on human decision-making shows that false consensus is common – people tend to project their own mindset onto others unless proven otherwise. Entrepreneurs, driven by conviction, are at risk of this bias. When feedback from the world comes back different than expected, founders feel misunderstood (“They just don’t get it!”). They may then face a tough realization: what seemed obviously brilliant to them is not obvious to everyone else. Overcoming this gap requires strong communication and customer empathy – essentially translating their vision to those who don’t automatically share it. Until that happens, the false consensus effect ensures many founders will routinely feel that others don’t appreciate or believe in their ideas to the same extent they do.
That said, feeling misunderstood can also be framed positively. Today I want to explore the upsides of being misunderstood with an alternative take on something we shouldn’t avoid - but accept and gain from.
Innovative Ideas and the “Misunderstood” Entrepreneur
Innovators have long noted that original ideas often meet with skepticism.
In science, artists and philosophers, the story repeats. Misunderstood early, revered later.
Van Gogh sold only one painting during his lifetime.
Alan Turing was ostracized while saving millions through his codebreaking.
Emily Dickinson kept nearly all her poems hidden in a drawer.
Each was dismissed, doubted, or silenced in their time. Each redefined their field.
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos famously said that “you have to be willing to be misunderstood if you’re going to innovate.” Indeed, being misunderstood may signal that an idea is ahead of its time. New research supports this notion: a 2025 study in Strategy Science found that startups which provoke disagreement among evaluators are more likely to succeed . Analyzing 67 venture competitions, the study showed that when judges strongly disagreed on a startup’s quality (some loving it, others dubious), that startup had higher odds of future success – especially if the idea was unique .
In other words, unconventional ideas that not everyone “gets” can create disproportionate value. The best opportunities come to those with foresight when no consensus view has converged. The author concludes that founders with contrarian, misunderstood visions often capture outsized rewards, and even recommends that investors view disagreement as a predictor of success .
This is a data-backed twist on the intuition that “if it’s a truly good idea, people will dismiss it at first.” Being misunderstood in the early stages forces entrepreneurs to refine their ideas and persevere. Those who weather the doubt often end up pioneering innovations that later become obvious in hindsight. The upside for founders is a kind of hidden validation: if no one initially understands your vision, it just might be because it’s bold and novel. History is replete with examples of crazy geniuses – from the Wright brothers to the creators of Airbnb – whose concepts were first ridiculed, only to later revolutionize their industries. Far from being purely detrimental, early misunderstanding can harden an entrepreneur’s conviction and serve as evidence that the idea is truly original.
Creativity From Feeling Like an Outsider
It’s not only entrepreneurs who can turn misunderstanding into triumph. Psychological research shows that feeling like an outsider or being socially rejected can fuel creativity under the right circumstances. A series of studies led by Sharon Kim found that individuals with an independent streak actually become more creative after experiencing rejection.
In these experiments, people who already see themselves as “different from the crowd” were energized by others’ skepticism or exclusion. Social rejection, for those who value their uniqueness, serves as a form of validation – it reinforces that they “aren’t like others,” and for independent-minded people that distinction is positive, leading to greater creativity.
In Cornell researcher Jack Goncalo’s paper titled “Outside Advantage,” they describe this “golden lining” of rejection: for some, creativity is the best revenge . These findings are both surprising and encouraging – they suggest that when we feel misunderstood by peers, we might channel that experience into original art, solutions, or ventures that ultimately prove our naysayers wrong. The contrast between individuals is key: being misunderstood cripples some but propels others. Those who embrace their outsider status often emerge with innovations precisely because they stood apart.
Social Advantages of Nonconformity and Miscommunication
Interestingly, being misunderstood can also confer social advantages in everyday life. Sometimes, what looks like a handicap in communication or appearance can turn into an asset. One striking example comes from linguistics research: people with foreign accents – who risk being misunderstood – are often given the benefit of the doubt by listeners. A 2017 study published in Psychological Science showed that native English speakers interpret odd or implausible statements more charitably when spoken in a non-native accent .
For instance, when a foreign-accented speaker said a nonsensical sentence like “the mother gave the candle the daughter,” listeners assumed it was a mistake and reinterpreted it in a plausible way (adding a missing “to”), effectively guessing the intended meaning . But if a native speaker said the same grammatically odd phrase, listeners were less forgiving and found it simply nonsensical . This research demonstrates a “misunderstanding advantage”: being perceived as different (in this case, non-native) prompted others to work harder to understand and not misjudge the speaker . In a sense, a foreign accent can cushion miscommunication – an upside for non-native speakers who might otherwise worry about every error.
Similarly, deviating from social norms in visible ways can sometimes earn greater respect rather than scorn. In what researchers dub the “Red Sneakers Effect,” studies have found that people who nonconform in dress or behavior can be seen as more competent and high-status under certain conditions . For example, someone wearing casual red sneakers in a business setting, or a CEO who dresses in a hoodie, might be perceived as confident enough to break the norms.
Observers confer higher status and competence to individuals who intentionally signal nonconformity. The misunderstanding or curiosity these nonconformists evoke becomes an advantage – it implies they must have earned the right to stand out. Of course, context matters (the behavior should seem intentional and the person credible), but this research highlights a counter-intuitive perk of being a bit misunderstood socially: it can signal uniqueness, autonomy, and prestige. In everyday scenarios, being the one who “doesn’t quite fit in” can spark interest and open opportunities. People may approach you to ask about your unusual background or ideas, leading to new connections. In short, standing out can draw others in, precisely because you defy expectations.
Making the most of misunderstanding
How to reframe misunderstanding positively:
Misunderstanding is a proxy for originality. If everyone agrees, you're probably late.
Rejection can sharpen your voice. Let it clarify your convictions.
You don't need to be understood by many. Just by the right few.
Feeling like an outsider can be a gift. Use the distance to see what others can't.
Your weirdness is a wedge. It breaks through the noise and creates space for the new.
And most of all: don't rush to be understood.
Bonus: Make others feel seen.
Now let's reverse the roles for a moment. Instead of being the one who is misunderstood, consider times when you've misunderstood others. If you've felt the pain of being misunderstood, you know how powerful it is when someone finally gets you. Making people feel seen is a superpower; it builds a strong foundation for relationships, including the one with yourself.