When independence turns on you
"Entrepreneurs are the only people who will work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week for someone else.” - Lori Greiner
Like many entrepreneurs, independence is a big value, a driver and a central organizing principle in my life. Independence and entrepreneurship are, in fact, joined at the hips. “Being my own boss” is by far the #1 reason people mention when starting a business.
Entrepreneurs seek independence like Buddhist monks seek enlightenment. For many, reaching independence is the ultimate destination, the terminal state reached after a painful journey. Like I said, independence is a defining concept in my life - in the broadest sense. For me independence is not just in being my own boss and being able to fully control what I do and spend my time on; it also means being independent in my thinking and decisions, as well actively helping others become more independent.
That said, I’m realizing lately that a life spent reaching (and enjoying) independence has negative aspects too, and we’ll explore some of that in this post, using research insights to help us deepen our perspective and understanding of a core psychological driver that is the fabric of the entrepreneurial spirit.
The Hidden Costs of Independence
Independence has a hidden cost many do not foresee. Yes, independence brings joy and pride – but it also often brings isolation. A recent founder study revealed that 70% of entrepreneurs feel lonely during their startup journey. Think about that: the majority of founders chasing a dream of freedom end up feeling isolated, on their little desert island. And it’s not just a minor mood dip. In a UC Berkeley/UCSF study, 72% of entrepreneurs reported mental health concerns at some point. Founders are about 30% more likely to experience depression than the general population.
Solo founders (who have absolute autonomy) tend to burn out at a higher rate than co-founder teams (who typically argue with each other on endless decisions). Why is more autonomy bad? Total self-reliance feeds a vicious cycle: you’re exhausted and isolated, which makes you less effective, which then pushes you to work even harder to compensate. All that independence pushes a huge sense of responsibility on you. No wonder solo founders report higher stress. The very independence we crave can turn on us, leaving us drained and disconnected.
Paradoxically solo founders tend to outlast co-founding teams because, well, they have no one to fight with. Research shows that solo-founded startups are about 2.5 times more likely to survive long-term than startups with multiple founders.
Founders who go it alone suffer more in some ways – feeling alone, carrying enormous stress – yet their companies statistically survive more often. Independence is both a source of strength and a source of vulnerability. To understand how that can be, we need to look at what happens when independence goes to extremes.
Hyper-Independence: When Self-Reliance Goes Too Far
Hyper-independence is unhealthy, extreme self-reliance – the kind where someone refuses to ever ask for help or trust others. For some entrepreneurs, this shows up as an almost pathological need to do everything themselves. To show them. On the surface, it can look like iron-willed determination. But dig deeper and hyper-independence often stems from pain. Therapists note that being a “lone wolf” to the extreme is frequently a trauma response. If you’ve been betrayed or let down badly in the past, you might cope by deciding never to depend on anyone again.
The key is recognizing that needing others is not a weakness. In fact, inviting and allowing support is often a sign of maturity and confidence, not failure. Founders who learn to dial back hyper-independence – to trust a partner, to admit “I don’t know” or “I can’t do it all” – often emerge much stronger and happier. But that doesn’t mean abandoning solitude entirely. On the contrary, a healthy level of independence is still crucial. The challenge is distinguishing productive independence from destructive isolation.
Solitude vs. Isolation: Harnessing Alone Time
Not all solitude is harmful. In fact, solitude can be a superpower when used deliberately. The difference lies in mindset. Loneliness is being alone and wishing for connection; solitude is being alone and feeling at peace.
Many entrepreneurs are actually adept at using solitude to do their most creative work. The more creative you aim to be, the more comfortable you need to become with being and working alone. That has been my experience, and like anything else, enjoying your own company is a skill to develop.
“Solitude is the soil in which genius is planted, creativity grows, and legends bloom.”- Mike Norton
Why and how people seek independence
A part of our drive for independence is just wired into us. Why do people want independence? Why do almost all humans believe that they are smarter than the rest, and that they can make better decisions for themselves than everyone else can? While we can all believe this, math is math and not all of us can be above average and know better than others what’s really best. But still we want more independence, even when it is not a rational (or even desirable) decision.
At the biological level, having a sense of autonomy buffers stress. In other words, we like to control ourselves and we stress when we can’t. Autonomy is great physiologically up to a point. Eventually total autonomy turns to isolation. From an evolutionary perspective, isolation is very dangerous.
For our ancestors, surviving in the wild demanded cooperation: you needed your tribe for protection, for sharing food, for raising children. Absolute lone wolves generally didn’t last long without help and protection. Yet evolution also rewarded those individuals who had the courage to break away from the tribe when resources were scarce or opportunities lay elsewhere. The pioneers who explored new territories or tried novel solutions often helped our species advance – as long as they eventually formed a new group to succeed.
“Independence” sounds universal, but in reality it takes very different shapes depending on where you stand. In the North America, it is almost synonymous with rugged individualism: the dream of being self-made, free from bosses and institutions. In East Asia, by contrast, entrepreneurship is often less about self-expression and more about honouring family obligations and building a legacy that carries forward.
Independence is… just an illusion?
Buddhist practitioners embrace the principle of anatta, or “non-self.” In simple terms, it means that the idea of a completely independent, separate self is an illusion. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist teacher and author, uses the term “interbeing” – the notion that we exist only through our interconnection with everything around us.
From a Buddhist perspective, no one, nothing exists on their own. Independence is a false human construct. Species exist only because their ecosystem allows and supports them. Same for founders. No one ever builds anything entirely on their own. We are all shaped and supported by countless conditions and people. The very language we use, the knowledge we draw on, the market we serve – they’re part of an interconnected web. In this view, absolute independence is a myth; everyone and everything is interdependent.
From the Buddhist’s perspective, entrepreneur are chasing a false reality when they believe independence is attainable, let alone worth desiring and suffering for. I love this paradox.
Of course Western culture has its own take. I lived in Canada, Europe and Asia in the last 10 years, and North America is by far the most individualistic society. In fact, I think that the more individualistic a society, the more warped our perspective on independence.
In modern psychology, self-determination theory tells us that humans have three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Autonomy is the need to feel in control of our actions. Relatedness is the need to connect, to love and be loved, to belong. We simply need other people to flourish.
Many founders learn this the hard way: after achieving their autonomy dreams, they feel empty, stuck in a mental desert island with no clear aim or purpose, feeling lost and isolated. You need to interact and rely on others to change, to grow, to redefine your identity at the crossroads of your life.
A Side Note on Your False Mental Constructs
For one, we tend to confuse independence = happiness. Take the movie The Pursuit of Happyness - it captures the human drive for autonomy and self-determination, but also the illusion that freedom alone guarantees fulfillment. It might help you enjoy external success, but it doesn’t necessarily bring inner peace or purpose.
Startup culture is similarly confused about aspects of independence. Most venture capitalists want founders who can think and act independently — but not too independently. Y Combinator famously discourages solo founders, treating it almost as a design flaw that will doom a startup. Statistically, teams do scale faster, but history is full of examples — from Jeff Bezos and Sara Blakely to Melanie Perkins — of founders who built enduring companies largely under their own vision and leadership. What truly matters, according to MIT Sloan research, isn’t whether you start alone or with co-founders, but whether you can eventually attract and sustain an excellent team that works well together.
This cognitive dissonance is almost humorous: be self-reliant, but not too self-reliant. If you’re a solo founder and you hear the “you need a co-founder” phrase, please take this as a cue that your time is better spent just building the startup than looking for a co-founder. Don’t look for a co-founder unless YOU really want one, not because people ask you to find one.
When polled after a startup failed, founders most often report the main drive was a lack of demand or need for their product. In contrast, the VCs that invested in those failed startups mention the #1 reason is… co-founder conflicts and/or dysfunctional dynamics.
As we’ve seen, survival rates are higher with solo founders, largely because they avoid the social friction that can cripple founding teams. Many companies go bust by chasing growth too hard too early. In my experience, the best startups follow a quieter mantra: go slow to go fast. You have to stay alive before you can thrive. Many companies implode by chasing growth too hard, too early. The best founders — and the best products — tend to follow a quieter mantra: go slow to go fast.
Ok now back to the main programme.
True Independence Is Relational
To find the lasting meaning and fulfillment that independence won’t bring you, we must pair independence with its forgotten twin: interdependence.
That’s what Buddhists mean when we exist in relation to others. The point of reaching independence is to go beyond, it is not your journey’s final destination.
Interdependence is the real point of the journey. It took me until now to realize this. Founders sometimes need this reminder. The richest successes and deepest joys usually happen in a context of shared connection. Think about it – when you look back at your life, the highlights likely involve people and shared memories, not just your solitary achievements. The things that truly sustain us are our relationships, our communities, the sense of belonging and purpose we get from contributing to others.
Independence is most dangerous when it places you at the center of everything, when it lets your ego feed on itself. But to feel truly successful and fulfilled, you can’t be at the center of your own world. You need to be grounded in something larger than you, to make your own ego smaller by directing your focus on others, a cause, a faith, a family, friendship, something outside of yourself that makes you feel connected. This is what true success is in the end. A deep, loving feeling of belonging, of being valuable. This is the ultimate point of the journey, to share it all.
Bottom line: independence is great and worth pursuing. But it isn’t everything - it needs to be counterbalanced with interdependence to give your founder journey full purpose and meaning.
Have a nice Sunday 🌕 ✌🏼